I got attacked by an agnostic feminist

First of all, I am not one to throw the term ‘feminazi’ around like a frisbee. I have never used it before nor do I intend to. I want equality for both genders and I don’t think the feminist movement is a bad one, although of course like so many movements you get a few bad eggs. One of these eggs hit me in the face last night. It caught me off guard that I really wanted to post about it.

I was sitting in a bar after work. I was with a colleague and she had to leave, I stayed and finished my drink whilst tapping words into my iPhone. It is a bar that generously gives me discount for working in a business nearby. I was sitting at a table when a young couple sat down next to me. It didn’t take long before we got chatting.

The girl leaned over to me a few minutes into them being there. She asked if I had been stood up by someone. Fair enough, I could well have been. Thankfully, this hasn’t happened to me before. I have had girls tell me they didn’t want a date with me, absolutely. But being stood up is something I haven’t had to endure and I don’t know how happy I would have been to admit it if I was indeed left waiting for a date that didn’t turn up. I told her I hadn’t been stood up. I could see she wasn’t entirely convinced, I asked why she assumed I had been.

She responded with, ‘Why did you mention being stood up? Are you ashamed because it affects your masculinity?!

Very confused, I could only respond with ‘What?!’.

I do have to say at this point that I could tell from her eyes that she was very drunk. The guy she was with put his head in his hands in embarrassment, he seemed a lot more sober. Despite her being drunk, she still wrongly assumed I was a male that was out on a date that didn’t want to meet me and that I was precious about my masculinity when confronted on the rejection I experienced. The trouble with this is, I just came here for a cheap beer after work. Judging someone after sitting next to them for five minutes is a pretty bad move. Not just judging internally, but to turn to that person and tell them who they are is not very nice, especially when the radar is so off track.

zlabb6gke24-clem-onojeghuo

Hey, she was drunk. I am not proud of who I am when drunk, and I thank anyone who has dealt with my drunken ramblings when I am in such a state. Being the sober one in the situation only reminds me that I have probably been as stupid when drunk and that I have a new found respect for bar security that have to take trash talk on a nightly basis. Speaking to the guy she was with after she went outside on the phone to a friend, I found out they were on a Tinder date. I don’t know if their date was a successful one, only they can answer that. I personally would have ran a mile after her accusation. She did come back and the next thing I know is that she still involved me in their conversation, and that she opened up about losing religion. I could only assume that she caught the title of my blog whilst I was on my phone as it was strange that she opened up to me, withing about ten minutes of knowing me, on a topic I am so interested in. The topic change was out of the blue. She suddenly got tearful and told me and her date- I did not know who was on a date with who at this point- that she was losing religion and that she doesn’t know if this was a bad thing. It was something that she had all her life and that she was suddenly relearning everything.

It was actually at this point that the conversation got interesting and that I was more willing to chat to this seemingly judgmental person. Her dutch courage turned to vulnerability and both Tinder guy and myself tried to encourage her that there is a lot of beauty in leaving religion. It has, in our case at least, made this life one we really want to cherish. It doesn’t mean the final credits will definitely roll as we say our last breath, there could be some kind of afterlife, whether it be a God or an advanced alien setup. We could be in the matrix. The multiverse may well contain the most awesome and infinitely wonderful opportunities once our atoms disperse and head to the stars that we are built from. To be saddened by an absence of religion does take a dose of pessimism, enhanced by alcohol of course.

nasa-89125

So yes, I had an interesting chat with an ‘agnostic feminazi’. I hope there aren’t too many of them around, thankfully it doesn’t seem that way. It also doesn’t really alter my opinion on feminists or agnostics, if one person could change such opinions we would have some awful opinions on pretty much everyone.

I finished my beer, thought about the conversation and was grateful that interesting conversations can sometimes pop out of nowhere, even if I am seen as a overly masculine, emotional date reject in the process. Cheers!

Featured Image by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Photo by NASA on Unsplash

Published by

Dealing with Disorder

A website dedicated to Tourette, OCD and co-occurring conditions. Daily updates celebrating neurodiversity.

59 thoughts on “I got attacked by an agnostic feminist”

    2. I think it’s beautiful that you were able to find the humanity and common ground within each other even after a judgmental accusation. People who judge quickly are usually trying to put up a shield so that you don’t see their own insecurities. But I think the lesson here is that she was more than a “feminazi” just as you are more than your masculinity.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Thanks for commenting.
        ‘People who judge quickly are usually trying to put up a shield so that you don’t see their own insecurities’
        I do hope so, as it makes them more human. It also makes me ore willing to chat to someone that does judge, to get to know them a little better. I am not perfect and I am sure I will mess up in a similar way on the odd occasion, this also helps me to find common ground. Thanks again and I hope to see you around!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, as long as she didn’t physically attack me, I was able to remain calm and chat haha. I hope she did remember the conversation and that she thinks twice about judging in future!

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  5. I have wondered about your blog title as well, having left the religion I was raised in when I was 36, many years ago. I’m sure your compassionate response to her religious questioning, even after making a snap judgement (then voicing it!!) will stay with her.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. I wanted to make a blog about religion (or my lack of) for a while and decided to do it at a period when I was really questioning it and certain factors of religion I really didn’t like.
      I hope that she remembers all of the conversation haha.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

      1. They take themselves way too seriously. It’s funny until it becomes unbearable. Plus so many other worthwhile causes to fight in the 21st century. Just an opinion though

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Thanks for providing your opinion 🙂 I started to really support the feminist movement shortly before creating this blog, in fact it was an instance of domestic abuse and looking at the male dominated religious world that made me want to join the fight for gender equality. I hated to think this particular instance of abuse could have been a female in my family. But after having plenty of female opposition to my thoughts on religion, it was hard to maintain this level of sympathy! It seemed the oppressive machine was often fed by religion and many women didn’t like my rejection to certain aspects of religion. So it is certainly a fascinating position to be in. Also, I realise there are aspects of the feminist movement I disagree with. Saying ‘I am a feminist’ means so many different things to different people.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. As with anything it’s dealing with labels and none really 100% encapsulate a single idea. Too many perspectives to be concrete about such things… Just do you and those with the too aggressive attitudes and opinions will filter themselves

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Very true. There are too many angles to argue from it is impossible to not anger someone. The best thing is to keep the anger at bay!
        Thank you for being a non-angry person haha.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Interesting tale of how identities are complex and multifaceted. Your story demonstrates how being quick to judge another prematurely based upon one comment or assumed scenario, can stifle shared humanity.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. That is a lovely summary of what it was! It does hinder my willingness to interact, ironically what she felt was a good thing (exposing my apparent weaknesses) made her a rather bad person. Thanks for reading.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

      10. I took another look. Are you referring to Ticktalksite? I like this one as it is talking of personal struggles and conditions that I feel blogging is great to educate people on. Thankfully for the first time in history anyone and everyone can help remove the ignorance and stigma surrounding such conditions and personally (I suffer with Tourettes/OCD and occasional but mild depression and anxiety) it is a great weight off the shoulders to be able to get thoughts out there to the world.
        Keep going at them, I am admittedly bad for reading blogs as I spend a lot of time posting and replying to comments in my free time, but I will keep a look out for updates!

        Liked by 1 person

      11. I agree, the liberation of blogging has been crucial for me. Providing a template for emotional detox, writing serves as one of my few ways to connect with others. I’m mostly homebound due to medical issues, so I value very much conversation such as these. Thank you for taking a few minutes to read my writing. I was actually referring to my other blog, but when you’re able to steal a few minutes of reading time, it will be waiting for you.

        TheWrongsIMustWrite
        https://thewrongsimustwrite.wordpress.com/

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Well rest assured I have looked at both, and I wish you all the best with them. I hope it continues to provide a platform that is beneficial for you and the community!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Very provocative post! Maybe because I am partially lost in the movements. So can you give a definition about feminazi? I asked because it seems that this girl might be sensitive not only about her religion status but also her female identity. You be mentioned that she is in active search, so defining “ideal” for her relationship and the way man should be is a bit tricky these days. Especially with feminist movements. So who knows, possible that she had her defensive mechanisms :)) sorry that you got judged ! But it ended good:) happy to read your posts they are very engaging!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Thanks for commenting and reading my posts 🙂
      In short, a feminazi is a radical feminist. An interesting and rather humorous definition is from the Urban Dictionary:
      ‘There’s a difference between a feminazi and a feminist.

      A feminist is someone who supports womens’ rights. Simple as that. Thinks girls in poorer countries should go to school, is opposed to those music videos that consist of like, three minutes of boob shots, etc. Equality is cool, guys. Feminism is cool.

      A feminazi is not a feminist. Feminists believe in equal rights for us, feminazis just make us look stupid. Feminazis believe that all men are idiots, wearing a bra is a symbol of oppression (personally I find bras comfortable), shaving our legs is apparently showing that we GIVE INTO MALE PRESSURE TO BE ATTRACTIVE HOLY SHIT, snowmen must be called “snowpeople”, and that any song that mentions a girl is supporting rape or whatever’

      I haven’t ever used the term before now. I am willing to accept that she is in a chapter in her life that consists of questioning and that is great. I also get defensive at times, however I still need to call that kind of behaviour out and I am willing to accept when people call me out for it 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  10. Oh man, this is a funny encounter. I chat random people too. Well, it’s more like they chat with me. Often, it’s elderly people too. And I love those instances because they have the best stories. I love it especially when they’ve been in the area for decades. Luckily, I haven’t met a hostile random (knock on wood, it’ll never happen). But, I salute you for keeping your calm.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Elderly people love a chat! And they are often very pleasant chats. Hopefully you don’t meet a hostile random, at least you can walk away is you do! There are plenty around, I am sure.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

    1. After work drink are usually uneventful for me too, I guess it was because it was so late at night, plenty of people had more than enough time to be drunk already!

      Like

      Reply

  13. Coming to this post late I am surprised no one has thought that the girl was drunk for dutch courage, probably scared and lonely and speaking from nervousness. Especially if she had just made a significant life changed prompted by something we dont know. We have all been in this position, havent we?

    I am pleased you took the effort though, some wouldnt have been that forgiving

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Thanks for your input. She was drinking, but she didn’t seem the type that was scared and lonely. After all she left her own private conversation to ask me if I had been stood up, so she seemed more than willing to leave her comfort zone and speak to someone else, and accuse me of something. However, she may have had lots of feelings bottled up over however long, and decided to vent them at that very moment. I guess alcohol is a great tool to release these emotions, and from my experience talking to strangers is never an issue when drunk!
      I guess I will never know for sure, but I am glad it happened so I could have this conversation with you all. So thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  14. Honestly, I am a woman who believes in equality of rights,but sometimes i feel ashame of this new wave of feminism. There are so many noble causes to fight for and they just worry about stupid things like men spreading in the public transport, are we serious?

    I find your blog super interesting,sadly I must go to work now but would love to read more of it, thanks for stopping by mine,its pretty new still,lots of work to be done,but im enjoying the process.

    Happy delayed new years btw hahah

    Cheers! And careful with the feminazis out there hahahah

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I also want equal rights, I just don’t like those that falsely assume they are fighting for it by attacking the other gender! Hopefully it doesn’t do the feminist movement any harm as I am sure these silly individuals ruining it are rare.

      Thank you for stopping by and no worries, building a blog is fun and I am sure you will have fun doing so. I hope you read more of my content after work!

      Have a great day.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  15. While I am not a proclaimed atheist, for I trust in a prime source although do not profess to know anything but what my personal explorations have shown me personally, I reject religion as the cornerstone of spirituality. Simply, not all can be right and wrong at the same time. I reject anything which causes separation, including labels, flag waving and many organizations. Everyone has a story, everyone deals with pain, insecurity and uncertainty. When we can identify with most people we meet in some way, that is when we know we have grown at least a little while on this path.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks for giving me an insight into your beliefs and outlook on life. I am trying myself to build bridges instead of tearing them down. When I first started blogging I was a lot harsher in my criticisms of religion, and now I try to be a lot more compassionate to people and beliefs. This doesn’t mean I won’t fight for certain causes, I still feel strongly about certain things and I love to blog about them. I just hope it creates more conversation than argument 🙂
      I hope we can have many more conversations!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Leave a comment