I woke up angry and upset this morning. It wasn’t a dreaded nightmare, although I think I would have preferred a nightmare. My dad passed away two years ago. Since then I have had dreams about him- which is of course nice- but when I am under the illusion that he is in my presence, it isn’t a great feeling to wake up to the horrible reality that he isn’t. It’s like learning to accept it all over again before I can get on with my day.
This morning was a little different. My dad played the centre role in the dream but it was after his death, more of a present day scenario. It was what he left behind for us that had me wide awake as soon as I opened my eyes. We found an old miniature clock whilst clearing out the house. Just before putting it into a box the reverse had writing on it. Dreams are fascinating, even more so due to the fact that despite some heavy hallucinating most of them are forgotten before we get up for the day. With every minute that passes this dream is slowly slipping away. I cannot remember exactly what the writing said but I’m sure it was for my sister. It said something along the lines of ‘I’ve left you a little something before I went‘ or ‘Please look after this for me, I’ve left it for you‘. What brought my sister to tears was the time in which the clock had stopped. It was the exact time and date of our fathers passing, spine tingling to say the least.
What made me so upset was the thought that my dad would leave it for my sister and not for both of us. There is no reason whatsoever to think that, my family as a whole have a great relationship. But in a dream you don’t know that, you simply go along with the script that unfolds around you without knowing any better.
So, I had two problems to wake up to this morning. One being a reminder that I will wake up without that little gift left from my dad, the other was having to remind myself that I shared a great relationship with him, regardless of how vivid and real dreams can seem.
I thought I would share this today, in the very near future this dream too will be forgotten in time, I’m sure it will be nice to get a reminder every now and then of how they can be so powerful.